Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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