My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
