I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
