just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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