remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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