That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Randomize
