Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Randomize
