just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
