why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
