Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
