sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
