Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
