do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
