I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
