im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I made him laugh his dick is mine
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
