Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
