i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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