It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
