shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
