yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
