i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
