How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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