You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
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