i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
