I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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