You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I smell like Dick and happiness
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
