That's intense
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Your penis caused this!
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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