nut hugger
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
