Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
