You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
