just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
