and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
