i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
