Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
