i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
my poor anus
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Randomize
