you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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