My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Randomize
