I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
