if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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