Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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