I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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