I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
