I seem to have left my pride at pride
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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