Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
We need to get me chipped asap
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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