i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I enjoy the company of your penis
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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