tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
