Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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