I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
