I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
