I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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