no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
