that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
