Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
