Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
