So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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