you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
