sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
