I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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