whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
